The Unfolding of "I am" in me

as published in aspire magazine June 08

I sit amongst this unfolding experience I ponder the “I am” in me. I used to think I was all the things I liked and I wasn’t all the things I didn’t like. But as I begin to become continuous of the stillness within me a huge transformation is taking place. I’m finding many times throughout my days that the voice in my head is silent, which is a blessing in and of itself and I’m experiencing stillness in the middle of noise. Collogues and family have inquired if something is wrong with me during these experiences because I’m not reacting to the situations that we were in. When asked, I was shocked because during those moments of stillness I was just being in the moment and didn’t have any thought at all or any opinion about the topic of discussion, which was why they posed the question, but nothing is wrong on the contrary everything is right! The stillness and peace that I’m feeling is so cool and at the same time a little confusing. I’m used to my old story of a fighter, standing up for what I think is right, and making sure everyone knew where I stood on subjects, but now as I embark of this wonderful world of letting go and just being okay with the moments as they present themselves so many insightful things are unfolding. I’m just in awe.
Some insights of who I really am are starting to come forward. I’m beginning to feel the energy in my body. I’m beginning to feel closer to others. Just the other day I was in the store and my goal was to just “be” in the store and to project energy and love as I walked around. I was amazed to see how many people said hello to me and turned to smile at me and at the register the bagger told the cashier not to forget to run the store coupon through for the soup discount for the soup I was buying. All I did was smile at her. I won a free message today too, from a wellness event I attended. It’s all little things but to me they’re big, because of how I feel about them. I feel lighter and freer.
As a part of this transformation and unfolding within me I’ve decided to no longer tell my story of who I am from past experiences. Because I’ve realized that even though those past experiences have brought me to where I am, they are not the “I am” in me. They are not my being and their not important enough at least to the degree that I need to label me as part of them.
Also, I’ve stopped blaming, complaining, and justify situations I’ve created that I’m not pleased with. I’m just going to be in the moment knowing that I created this moment through my own thoughts and if I don’t like the moment than I will change the next moment to be something pleasing, but I’m not going to blame, justify or complain about the moment or every moment there after will be more of the same.
The unfolding that I’m experiencing requires continuous consciousness or awareness about what I’m thinking, feeling, and doing. But like anything the more I do it the easier it becoming.
The glimpses I’ve had of the “I am” in me and power, joy, and love that this “knowing” brings to me makes me so happy to be sharing this moment.
And the biggest blessing that has come forth is my passion for writing and sharing. I love how I feel when I can reduce resistance in others as well as myself. I’m so joyous and I hope this finds you in the same state of being.
Blessings.