Saturday, June 12, 2010


My long time goal since I began this spiritual journey was to find my truth. In order to do this I thought I needed to begin searching for all the "right answers" about life. I needed to gather all my believes and have them ready to present to others when needed. So, every chance I got I would tell others what I really thought about them and how I saw things in the world. Because of course, the way I saw things was obviously the right way and if everyone around me saw it my way their lives would be better. At the time, when this happened I received validation within myself that I was "speaking" my truth. But I've realized at this point in my growth that speaking with words and expressing myself outwardly toward others and fighting against their opinions and ideas has nothing to do with truth at all. The truth is.... that was my ego making me believe it was truth. My need to be right, and the need to make others see my way was the "right" way was all ego thinking. And even though this was a good truth to be aware of this was not the truth I was seeking.

Then I began to understand truth to be accepting others for what they are, but allowing my own voice to be heard and not attaching myself to the outcome of others. Then, I read somewhere that what others think of me is none of my business anyway, this really resonated with me and I began to believe this and I added this to my truth , which in-turn reduced the eye of the ego a little. So my truth at this point was using my voice to express myself in my way and not attaching to outcomes, and what others think of me is not my business. So at this point I was gathering and building with ideas of others of what I thought my truth should be... then an amazing awakening happened....

I was reading in my Astrology book on North Nodes, (I'm a Sag. NN) which to my amazement my natal chart was already designed with me finding and seeking my truth within it at my birth. Which meant to me that this search for my truth was all part of my spiritual makeup for growth in this life time. The light bulb went off in my head when I read that "truth" was an energy of it's own.....Energy! Interesting..... this thought changed everything in one moment for me.....Energy, Truth is Energy, my Energy...

Now, I've changed my thoughts completely on what truth means to me. It's amazing to me what one new thought can do to a human beings prospective. Now speaking and finding my truth means continuing to make decisions about who am I? Because if truth is an energy, than that means to own the energy I must "be the energy" "to be the energy" "I must become one with it" So the question now is "What is it?" Well I imagine it can be whatever I say it is, but whatever I say it is I must be able "walk the talk" of it or I will not continue to own it. The energy of truth is something each one of us creates as our own space of reality of ourselves and what we reflect or give off of us toward others...but once you create your energy of truth it's forever created in pure energy, so if you don't own it, and be it, it will be attracted to those that will. So you can give your energy away if you don't walk the talk or own it. Finding out that truth is energy is actually a very exciting thought process for me, because for me it means it's something I can create within myself and not something I need to "find" after all..

The hardest part of this creation of energy truth is being able to own it. To walk the talk, to be what I set out to be and not allow my ego mind to give away my newly created energy of truth because of a laziness of the mind and earthly distractions. The creation has now been begun and the owning it has formed. As the Journey begins, I'm hopeful to discover many more light bulbs that will bring me to the center of my energy truth.

See you on the path.

Friday, January 1, 2010

Refreshing the Soul

Happy New Year Universe!

January 1st is a perfect time to refresh my soul. To consider new thoughts, give life to new creations and to manifest my hearts desires. As I reflect on 2009 I'm grateful for all the spiritual growth I have done. Every day I'm in a better place spiritual than I was the day before, every day I feel more and more at peace. I can feel my sixth sense more.

In the beginning of 2009 I felt like a sponge; absorbing all the spiritual insight and information I could get my hands on. I was at the bookstore every other day reading, researching, learning, learning, learning. When all the sudden while I was standing in the book store facing the audio book section on one of my many trips to I had just completed the most recent book; Zero Limits by Joe Vitale and was chanting the famous mantra from the book "I love you", "I'm sorry," "please forgive me" "thank you" an awakening happened... I turned and walked out of the book store empty handed.

Because it was in that moment I realized that no book on the self was going to give me the answer I so desired, that in truth all the answers I need are within me and I already "know" the answer to any question I could spiritually ask. If I just listen and trust the answers coming in from spirit I would have all the answers and direction I'm seeking. That the journey to research and discover was never outside of me to begin with. In fact the book was right...there is no "OUT THERE" there is only "in here".

This is most likely the biggest "AHA" moment of my spiritual life thus far. So now my focus in 2010 will be becoming still, so I can hear the answers. to clean the mess so I can hear the voice of my soul!


Friday, November 27, 2009

Profound Encounter

It was a pleasure and an honor to meet you today! Is all that came to mind out the end of this profound encounter? In one day I met a man, grew to love him, his family and his closest friends, and have decided to dedicate my life in light of what I learned about him in just one day. It was a quite introduction for he was a man of very little words, which was okay with me because for the most part words get in the way. As I sat down in his presence he began to tell the tales of his life and the truth was unfolding before my eyes. First, he shared pictures of his fondest memories with me. Then, one by one I heard the stories of his generosity and love. As I witnessed the unfolding of the stories a bubbling desire within my own soul was beginning to surface. I thought to myself “I wish I was like him” “I wish I had these stories.”
One by one family and friends rose to be heard. One by one they told stories of his kindness, love, and generosity. Some stories were about his giving heart and some were about his integrity and about how he went above and beyond to lend a helping hand. He gave without expectations and without others knowing what he was doing. He found pure joy in his own giving. Some stories of his giving heart were just being heard for the first time by many. My favorite stories were the ones about his tough love and the imprint he left on the lives of his loved ones. He was referred to as a helper, a healer, a “God like Spirit.” He helped others get an education, get off drugs, become successful, and most importantly he inspirited them to a better quality of life.
I met a man who was not famous or rich beyond reach, he was not educated with a PHD, he was not a scholar of any kind. But make no mistake he was no ordinary man. He was a father, a husband, an entrepreneur, a grandfather, a friend, a boss, a giver, and an inspiration to everyone that came within his reach.
I’ve never seen so many stand up in honor of their loved one before. He touched and inspirited more people than he’ll ever know. He even uplifted and inspired me, without even knowing my name, for the day I met this man was the day of his funeral. I never encounter the physicality of him before, however I met an extraordinary spirit. One I’ll never forget. This was the first person I ever met in spirit first and desire with all my heart to be as much as an up-lifter as he was. I just want to say it was a pleasure and an honor to meet you today!


Friday, June 19, 2009

Abundant Space

The white cap waves curl under the current of
the ever moving Atlantic. The waves crashing
against the rocks, my gaze falls upon the
horizon as I sit birched upon the remains of an
abused surface of smoothed rocks. As my gaze
fixes on the horizon I’m reminded ever so softly
of the abundance of space.
Anyone who has fixed their own gaze upon the
horizon as I have surely can relate to this
abundant feeling. Where the water meets the
sky you can see no beginning or no ending, its
breath taking to say the least. It doesn’t matter
where you stand; on a boat afloat in the water,
on the beaches along the coast, or birched on
the rocks as I was, the view is the same;
It meant more to me on this particular day
because I was pondering what space meant to
me and I asked the heavens about space in my
prayers. I was wondering about how to create
more space in my being, my present, and my
heart. I was wondrously led to this place of
peace and abundance to be shown that space is
not something you seek; it’s already present in
an abundant amount!
We spend so much of our physical lives
squeezing each other out of space; we horde it,
protect it, fight over it, we even die for it and
very few of us ever realize that there is no need
for any feeling of “lack of space” , not even in
our hearts. We have as much space in us as we
do on out of us. It’s all abundant.
We came in this physical experience with all the
space we need. We have space for love, peace,
family, nature, and the list goes on and on. We
don’t need to seek space in our lives we just
have to become aware of its existence.
It’s not the seeking we need to practice it’s the
knowing. Because with the knowing brings
clarity and with clarity brings speed and
abundance of all things.
This day by the ocean has changed me
significantly. I’m not longer wondering how to
create space in my being. Instead I’m practices
being still and quiet so I can feel this abundant
space all around me.
When you quiet your mind and sit with the
stillness of your being we can create the same
feeling of no beginning and no ending within
yourself and you begin to realize that most of
things we’re fighting for don’t really mean
anything in the big scheme of things

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

The Power of Forgiveness - It's an inside Job

True forgiveness is not about bells and whistles and happy endings. It’s not about demanding another to forgive you or for them to ask for your forgiveness. True forgiveness is something words can only begin to descript.

When the power of forgiveness enters your soul there is no need to do, think, or say anything. When true forgiveness consumes your heart and soul words of the ego are no longer necessary. It’s a beautiful thing.

If you’re asking for forgiveness then you haven’t forgiveness yourself, if you demanding forgiveness from another that you still haven’t forgiven yourself. To me, forgiveness not something to be had, you become healed when you let go of what ills you on the subject. It’s like one day your carry a bag of rocks and your arms start to hurt so you drop the bag of rocks to free your arms. But you walk around complaining about the hurt the bag of rocks caused your arms. Did you really drop the bag of rocks? No. When you drop the bag of rocks lift your arms up in the air and proclaim Alleluia, step over the rocks, and tell no one. Now you truly dropped the bag of rocks. Forgiveness is the same thing.

Since, no one in the universe is responsible for your feelings; but you. How can you forgive another for the feelings you created yourself on the subject? You can’t. You can only forgive yourself. Once you forgive yourself and your self inflicted punishment is dropped like the bag of rocks and you go back to believing your deserving and worthy of love and joy has forgiveness truly happened for you.

The power comes from within. No one ever really needs to forgive another or be forgiven by another; it’s an inside job. If you stay true to whom you are and always speak your truth then forgiveness will never be necessary, because you won’t allow someone else to control your feelings.

Recently, I experienced a perfect example of this truth. I felt that a good friend of my hurt my feelings and instead of confronting her about it or speaking my truth at the time, by saying “hey that just hurt.” I stuffed the feelings down inside my ego, mind, and physical bodies so I could replay the events later really become more and more and more hurt by them. Within days I was no longer talking to her it hurt so much and before I knew it weeks had gone by with me ignoring her all the while replay these events at least once a day. Finally, she confronted me and asked if everything was all right or was I upset about something. At that moment the pain had grown so much I couldn’t control myself and I let it all out in a very hurtful manner. She was stocked. She had no idea those comments she made that day effected me the way they did. How could she I didn’t tell her and she’s not a mind reader. To her she was only kidding around and didn’t mean anything by them and thought I was laughing with her. She now was crying and upset because I made her believe she had hurt me, when in truth I hurt myself. I took these little comments and replayed them in my mind until I created such a large painful movie of events in my mind that the victim (me) was so pained she couldn’t go on. I let this event control my thoughts and feelings for weeks before I lashed out at her in pain. had I just been true to myself at the time and said to her; that hurt. None of this mess would have happened. What a waste of energy. She did apologize to me, but later I prayed on this apology and was thinking to myself “why did she apologize for something she truly didn’t do?

It doesn’t make sense anymore. We walk around demanding forgiveness from others for feelings we created in our own selves. When one asks for forgiveness what does it really mean? And when one forgives what does that mean?Forgiveness to me is an omission of guilt. Guilt is from the feeling of hurting someone else feelings, right or doing something "wrong" in the eyes of another? Well, I had an awakening in consciousness from this event with my friend. Someone else is not responsible for how you feel, so if someone hurts your feelings whose fault is it, really? I'm beginning to believe it's yours or mine in this example.If we fall victim to someone or feel someone has "wronged" us in some way, than it's us feeling bad and feeling lower levels of energy. If we feel "wronged" than it's because we didn't speak OUR TRUTH! not that they hurt us. When you speak your truth there is no such thing as a victim. It wouldn't be allowed. If you allow it, then it's you who should be forgiving yourself.The true power of forgiveness is becoming conscious to this truth. The truth that only the oneself can truly be forgiven and nothing on the outside makes any difference at all.

Saturday, June 21, 2008

If I only have today

If I only have Today

If I only have today
Let your love shine in all things
If I only have today,
Let me witness smiles on all faces
If I only have today,
Let love be my theme
If I only have today,
Let me be giving
For if tomorrow never comes,
I’ll be honored to say I experienced it all today.

If I only have today
Let grace lead me
If I only have today,
Let me help the needy
If I only have today,
Let me hear the birds singing
If I only have today,
Let me speak my truth
For if tomorrow never comes,
It’s okay, because I experienced it all today.

If I only have today
Let my heart be open
If I only have today,
Let me heal & be healing
If I only have today,
Let my love leave a mark
If I only have today,
Let me be remembered for a giving heart
For if tomorrow never comes,
I’ll be forever grateful, that you allowed me to experience it all today.


The Unfolding of "I am" in me

as published in aspire magazine June 08

I sit amongst this unfolding experience I ponder the “I am” in me. I used to think I was all the things I liked and I wasn’t all the things I didn’t like. But as I begin to become continuous of the stillness within me a huge transformation is taking place. I’m finding many times throughout my days that the voice in my head is silent, which is a blessing in and of itself and I’m experiencing stillness in the middle of noise. Collogues and family have inquired if something is wrong with me during these experiences because I’m not reacting to the situations that we were in. When asked, I was shocked because during those moments of stillness I was just being in the moment and didn’t have any thought at all or any opinion about the topic of discussion, which was why they posed the question, but nothing is wrong on the contrary everything is right! The stillness and peace that I’m feeling is so cool and at the same time a little confusing. I’m used to my old story of a fighter, standing up for what I think is right, and making sure everyone knew where I stood on subjects, but now as I embark of this wonderful world of letting go and just being okay with the moments as they present themselves so many insightful things are unfolding. I’m just in awe.
Some insights of who I really am are starting to come forward. I’m beginning to feel the energy in my body. I’m beginning to feel closer to others. Just the other day I was in the store and my goal was to just “be” in the store and to project energy and love as I walked around. I was amazed to see how many people said hello to me and turned to smile at me and at the register the bagger told the cashier not to forget to run the store coupon through for the soup discount for the soup I was buying. All I did was smile at her. I won a free message today too, from a wellness event I attended. It’s all little things but to me they’re big, because of how I feel about them. I feel lighter and freer.
As a part of this transformation and unfolding within me I’ve decided to no longer tell my story of who I am from past experiences. Because I’ve realized that even though those past experiences have brought me to where I am, they are not the “I am” in me. They are not my being and their not important enough at least to the degree that I need to label me as part of them.
Also, I’ve stopped blaming, complaining, and justify situations I’ve created that I’m not pleased with. I’m just going to be in the moment knowing that I created this moment through my own thoughts and if I don’t like the moment than I will change the next moment to be something pleasing, but I’m not going to blame, justify or complain about the moment or every moment there after will be more of the same.
The unfolding that I’m experiencing requires continuous consciousness or awareness about what I’m thinking, feeling, and doing. But like anything the more I do it the easier it becoming.
The glimpses I’ve had of the “I am” in me and power, joy, and love that this “knowing” brings to me makes me so happy to be sharing this moment.
And the biggest blessing that has come forth is my passion for writing and sharing. I love how I feel when I can reduce resistance in others as well as myself. I’m so joyous and I hope this finds you in the same state of being.